smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
