guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
