I must be too annoying 4 u.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
try to milk me bitch
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
