we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
