Yo dont text me then not text me
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
