I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
