My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
40s are totally the cure
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
