I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Randomize
