He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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