there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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