why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
