i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
