On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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