thus making me awesome and them whores
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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