ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
