Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Randomize
