i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Randomize
