If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
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then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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