Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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