I'm passing your future prison.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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