Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
