im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
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i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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