I seem to have left my pride at pride
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
