we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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