you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
