she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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