tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Walk of Shame today included voting.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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