I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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