I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
