You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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