i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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