My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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