I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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