It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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