Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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