Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
