I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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