You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
