: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
