Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize