oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
