I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My breasts were aching with rage.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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