Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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