I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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