so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
