Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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