...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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