i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
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