I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
