i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Do vagina's smell?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
