Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Vodka?
Forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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