Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
