So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Randomize
