I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
whose parrot is this?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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