Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
