Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
