I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
