My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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