What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
