I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
