Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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