Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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