In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
wakey wakey hands off snakey
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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