My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
