yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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